sexual awareness Archives - Paolina Milana - author and writer for hire

Overcoming Delusion; Realizing Self-worth

February 12, 2016 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Styx’s “Grand Illusions” album came out in 1977. I was 12-years old. From the moment I heard the first track, I was hooked.

“So if you think your life is complete confusion

’cause your neighbor’s got it made

Just remember that

It’s a grand illusion

And deep inside we’re all the same”

Every song seemed to speak to a universal theme – overcoming self-delusion and realizing self-worth – and that all spoke to me.

My older siblings Ross and Cathy actually took me to see Styx’ “Grand Illusions” live concert for my birthday. It was my first concert ever. We sat on the main floor in folding chairs. I can still see myself, standing on my chair, holding Ross’ hand so I wouldn’t fall, singing as loudly as I wanted to, shaking my behind and feeling so free. Nobody watching. No one condemning. No need to keep anything secret or pretend to be somebody I wasn’t. I could just be me.

I think that’s why I loved Styx so much. I most likely didn’t know it back then, or at least at the age of 12, I probably couldn’t articulate it. But somewhere deep inside, I knew. I wasn’t a bad girl. I wasn’t any different than any other coming of age kid, awakening sexually. [Read more…]

The Girl at The Smart and Final

October 14, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

She always reminded me of me: the checkout girl at my neighborhood Smart and Final. Thick brown hair, big brown eyes, a bit of meat on her bones, barely a hint of makeup, and, always, a welcoming smile. She could have been my daughter.

“You back again…?” she’d shake her head in mock disapproval when I’d return for the third time in the same day, having forgotten some something I just couldn’t go another day without. It didn’t happen often (in my defense), but, clearly, it happened often enough for her to notice.

And I noticed that I wasn’t the only shopper with whom she shared such banter. Without fail, every time I roamed the store’s aisles, I would hear her shout out a personalized greeting or see her engage in conversation with people of every age, gender, size, race, and marital status. She wasn’t a flirt. She was a true social butterfly without any other agenda than to connect with those who crossed her path.

When she told me, one day, that she had been kicked out onto the streets at the age of 14 and had been fending for herself ever since, I understood how she came to be what some today might call a “people pleaser.” She had to, to survive.

Takes one to know one, I guess. [Read more…]

Humbling and Grateful PLUS 5 Other Experiences in Publishing My Memoir

June 28, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

It took me a decade, more or less, of therapy to be at peace with my past. It took that much, if not more, to put just a piece of me and my past onto paper, ultimately publishing my first book, The S Word – a Memoir. With the book having launched in May and with me seeing my story covered on the front page of The Daily Herald newspaper this morning,

Daily Herald Burt Constable feature on "The S Word"

The Daily Herald’s Burt Constable read “The S Word” and wrote an inspiring piece that made it to the Sunday morning front page. Truly humbling!

AND with tomorrow’s Chicago book signing, I’ve found myself surrounded by family and friends and even strangers and experiencing some…well…experiences and emotions that I’m learning aren’t all that uncommon. So I thought I would share what every memoirist might expect upon the launch of their book, courtesy of some of my favorite comedic moments:

“This One Time at Band Camp…”

My memoir is in part a coming-of-age story that, yes, involves the typical “S” word. S-E-X. A very brief but pretty significant scene has to do with sexual awareness and the “M” word. M-A-S-T-U-R-B-A-T-I-O-N. If your memoir touches on…um…bad choice of words…let me try again. If your memoir deals with anything having to do with, let’s call it “teenage angst” (think 1999 flick “American Pie”) you might want to prepare yourself for others reading about your private moments and wanting to share theirs. Note: this may include your grandparents. Just sayin’… And remember, they were young once, too.

[Read more…]

The Duggars: Blurring Right and Wrong

May 23, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting” has always had its ups and downs, its lovers, and, more than its fair share, perhaps, of haters. Most recently, the family’s eldest son Josh Duggar spoke out in response to reports that he was once accused of molesting five underage girls as a teen.

“Twelve years ago, as a young teenager, I acted inexcusably, for which I am extremely sorry and deeply regret,” said Josh.

I’m not condoning what Josh did. Nor am I condemning it. Why…? Because in the writing of my memoir The S Word, I understand that life is messy. It isn’t black and white. The lines between right and wrong, good and evil, predator and prey are so often blurred.

In my own coming of age, my fantasies were filled with Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky.

“I wanna kiss ya . . . Ya don’t have to kiss me back if ya don’t feel like it.” [Read more…]