childless Archives - Paolina Milana - author and writer for hire

Gratitude; giving thanks; counting our blessings: sometimes it comes with ease and sometimes not so much. This year for me, it’s the latter.

Oh, sure, I know I have so much for which to be grateful, the list including:

a great guy who is always there for me (not to mention my in-laws that luckily came as part of the package);
my two cats who follow and cuddle and fetch better than their canine counterparts;
my Blueberry Hill Cottage that stills my soul;
my memories of our recent “trip of a lifetime” to Africa;
a day job with so much purpose and promise;
great friends, the kind that even if we haven’t chatted in a long while, we pick up as if no time whatsoever has passed;
and so much more…

For all of it, I do, indeed, give thanks.

And, yet, I struggle to understand why I am feeling so lacking (for lack of a better word). [Read more…]

Mom and I, with me wearing the first communion dress she made for me.

Anne Lamott is one of my favorite authors. From the first word I read from her 1995 book “Bird by Bird,” I felt a special bond with this person I had never met. Her recent post on Salon.com wherein she shares her reasons on why she hates Mother’s Day just further underscores why I love her. She writes: “It celebrates the great lie about women: That those with children are more important than those without.”

I must admit that I agree with Anne. I’ve regretted, at times, not having had children, and I’ve felt “less than” other women because of it. But that’s not why I find myself hating Mother’s Day. This year, in particular, I greatly despise it. Maybe it’s because this is the year that my memoir The S Word published. Maybe. Or maybe it’s because on this Mother’s Day, I’m finally allowing myself to feel robbed. My coming of age years, especially, suffered due to my mother’s mental illness. Paranoid schizophrenia did rob me of having a mother. But it’s more than that… [Read more…]

When Giving Thanks Isn’t Enough

Why I Hate Mother’s Day