Paolina Milana - author and writer for hire

Everybody has a story. I've been telling people's stories for decades. I'm an award-winning writer and published author with journalistic roots and a marketing background. Let me help you write or ghostwrite the story of your life. Also available for corporate brand storytelling.

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Life Lessons From One Celebrated Lone Wolf

February 12, 2018 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Today is my birthday. I’ve lived five-plus decades on this planet. At times, it feels like ten times that. At other times, it feels as if I’m just getting started and don’t know much at all. I have learned a lot of life lessons — some good, some bad, some I seem to have to repeat over and over again, and I still haven’t gotten them right!

One notable mention I’m addressing here has to do with what some call a trigger. For many of us, when someone says something about us that we perceive as negative, we may spend a lot of our limited time on earth fighting it, negating it, worrying if it’s true, fearful of it and its implications. I’m not immune to placing importance on what outsiders say, even if the source isn’t one I value. (That’s one of the things I’m still working on learning to navigate in this life…)

The phrase that’s recently become a trigger for me is that of being called a “lone wolf”; it’s right up there with being told to “tone it down” and being asked “who do you think you are?” (not in a positive sort of way).

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, blaming the victim, bullying, caregivers, change, mental illness stigma Tagged With: lone wolf

Normal or Nuts?: Fine Lines When Crazy Calls

January 17, 2018 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

I was raised by a mom diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Back then, in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, not even the so-called Ph.D’d professionals knew what was going on or how to deal with “crazy.” And if they didn’t know, we – my immigrant English second language family – couldn’t possibly have known. It’s part of why mamma went without any kind of treatment, hearing voices and seeing things that really weren’t there, for far too long, making her a danger to herself and to us.
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I still can’t shake memories of a 14-year old me in 1979 helping my papà commit mamma to a hospital psych ward. Part of me exhaled in relief, knowing we were rid of her, even if only for a little while. Another part of me became consumed with guilt over what I then didn’t fully understand had to be done.
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For much of my life, I tried to separate my parts, doing my best to distance those genes of insanity that I had inherited through no fault of my own. I kept my mamma at arms-length, afraid of the demons she battled and the parts of her she could not control. And I kept our family’s schizophrenia a secret from the outside world, lest I be subjected to the stigma and discrimination by association.
‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ [Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers, causes of mental illness, mental illness, mental illness stigma, Mother’s Day, schizophrenia

Broken and Scarred: Wounds of Worth

November 8, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

November is National Care Giver’s Month. I spent much of my life serving as caregiver for others, specifically my mother and younger sister, both of whom were diagnosed paranoid schizophrenics. Caring to that level for others took a toll on me. It would take several years to realize that equally if not more important, I needed to become a caregiver to me.

In the town where I live, as happens more often than I care to think about, brush fires raged thrkintsugi trees Tujunga firesough acres and acres of our nearby forest and mountain range. Homes were destroyed. Lives shaken at best, lost at worst. It seemed as if Mother Nature had again gone mad, inflicting pain and devastation without a care for consequences.

When the fires were finally extinguished, smoldering charred earth and dead trees remained. The smell of smoke permeated the air for days following, a constant reminder of life lost.

But a local art community took it upon themselves to care for the fallen. These talented few performed a miracle of sorts by resurrecting the lifeless limbs of so many trees and making them whole again. They did so through the Japanese art of kintsugi which uses a precious metal to bring together pieces of broken pottery. Rather than charred and scarred, these beauties burned by the fires, now had their wounds laced in gold.

Touring the trees, now works of art, I became struck by their visual representation of the essence of resilience. From their own madness, they became magical.

There’s a lesson here for each of us in terms of coping with traumatic events. Rather than ignoring or divorcing ourselves from painful pasts, there’s wisdom to embracing whatever came before. Viewing our histories – especially the not-so-pleasant – as precious and of great value is powerful. Our perceived failures and moments of pain are our greatest teachers in life. Why hide them? I love this kintsugi approach of seeing the beauty in our cracks and celebrating those flaws.

 

Filed Under: caregivers, change Tagged With: kintsugi, madness to magic, rebirth, resurrection, Tujunga fires

Divine Intervention and Faith

October 22, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

My mother never thought the story of her life was all that special. She actually never gave it much thought at all. In truth, neither did I.

Until one terrible stormy night, in my attempt to help calm her fear of thunder, I sat her down and asked her to share her memories while I took notes.

I asked my mother about her favorite fun things to do when she was a child.

She told me about the days she spent as a little girl in Sicily during WWII, hiding in the basement of her war-torn home while sounds of planes flying overhead were followed by too-close-for-comfort explosions of the bombs they were dropping. My mother’s eyes welled up with tears as she acknowledged that she didn’t get to have a very happy childhood.

I never knew.

I then asked mom if she had ever been rebellious as a teenager.

She immediately lit up like a firefly reminiscing about her 16-year old self in the 1940s, walking on cobblestone streets, teetering on her high heels from exhaustion, hurrying to get home in time to help make dinner after a long day working as a seamstress’ apprentice.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: caregivers, coming of age, death of a parent, memoir Tagged With: divine intervention, faith, madness to magic, storytelling

When Were You Potty Trained?

September 18, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

I don’t have children, but my adult friends once were children, and every one of them is potty trained. I know that’s a strange thing to say, but I say it because I can guarantee that every one of us who is potty trained didn’t all learn on the exact same date or the same age or thanks to the same method of training. When we as children were ready, we just stopped pooping in our pants and chose to become big girls and boys and use the toilet! And that’s the point.

potty training2What I’ve come to realize is that this potty training analogy holds true for pretty much everything in life. Don’t believe me? Let’s test this out:

  • Riding a bike: Sure your dad ran alongside you and cheered you on with “Pedal, pedal faster! You can do it!” But not until something inside you sparked saying, “I got this” did you take off riding into the sunset on your own.
  • Your significant other: True, you may have flirted or been chased by someone wanting your heart. But not until something inside you whispered, “Say ‘yes’” did you put a ring on it and commit to forever.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers, change, coming of age

Losing Your Voice

April 11, 2017 By Paolina Milana 1 Comment

Yesterday, I enjoyed a few hours chatting with like-minded new friends. As we munched on homemade fava bean puree on crostini and an onion quiche, we shared our personal and professional triumphs and tribulations. Three strong and accomplished women: each of us experiencing similar situations and emotions. We leaned on one another and supported each other. And when we parted, I felt renewed and inspired and very, very fortunate to have been part of the conversation.

Imagine my surprise when upon returning home, I suddenly lost my voice. Not a whisper, not a squeak, not a single sound possible for me to make. Surely, I had not talked THAT much…? And true, I had been having some allergy like symptoms for weeks (dry cough, stuffy nose), but to all of a sudden completely lose the ability to speak…? There was no warning that this was coming, and no history to point to that it was even a possibility. Never in my entire life have I ever lost my voice.

As all of us probably do, I consulted with my doctor…the Internet. Most “reasons why” pointed to overuse or associated with some other ailment such as strep throat. But none of the reasons why seemed to fit me. Treatments conflicted one with the other: lemon was good for you; lemon was too acidic to do you good – same with salt.

The only things that did prove true were that a) I had been struck silent; b) no logical or concrete reason why; and c) the only universally acceptment prescription to heal?: be still.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers, change

Be The Sloth: Embracing Stillness

February 27, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Costa Rica. Never had it been on my radar, let alone my bucket list. But after my experience in Africa, the search for a budget-friendly escape from constantly being on the move and surrounded by “man-made” was on, and Costa Rica rose to the top of our list.

We spent two weeks in late February touring the country, Monteverde and Manuel Antonio revealing themselves to be among the favorite destinations during our trip. Ironically, both for the very same reason: stillness.

In Monteverde, we ziplined through the cloud forest. Some might say that experience is actually the polar opposite of being still. I would argue that it’s not. True, while attached to a wire and pulley system, you’re literally flying through the air – the very opposite of being still – the fact that there’s nothing around you while you’re doing it, is, IMHO, an opportunity to be still – with yourself, with your thoughts.

costa rica sloth

In Manuel Antonio, true stillness was demonstrated by the sloths in the trees. The time it takes these creatures to even consider a move is extraordinary. And for me and others like me who are always needing to “do” these hairy critters are great reminders of the power of just “being”…

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers, change Tagged With: acceptance, being, stillness

The Gift of Getting What We Tolerate

December 26, 2016 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

‘Tis the season to be jolly.” Or not.

It all depends on a great many factors, and for many of us, family and friends play a key role in our experiences – good, bad, ugly – during the holidays. This Christmas, however, I was reminded that being jolly or not really depends on one thing and one thing only: ourselves.

snow ANF

It’s not always easy to swallow, but the truth of it is that we alone are responsible for our happiness. No matter what family or friends or life in general throws our way, how we react determines how we end up feeling.

We sit down to dinner with the family, reach for a second slice of pie, and mom asks us, “Do you really need that?”

We call up a friend to rendezvous to toast the season, only to learn that she’s struggling to find time to even pencil us in.

We try and try and try, year after year to find the perfect gift for our not-so-easy-to-please significant other, and this year, we think we’ve found it. But from the reaction we get upon their opening of our gift, it’s pretty clear we haven’t.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers Tagged With: Christmas, family relations, gift giving, self-care

Secret to Survival: Care Less when Caregiving

November 5, 2016 By Paolina Milana 1 Comment

Growing up as a first-generation Sicilian with “English Second Language” parents immediately turned me into the family translator (or, as first introduced in the infamous “Godfather” movies: the consigliere – a position of caring for yourselfleadership counsel within the Mafia). My being raised by a mom who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and who was barely able to care for herself, let alone her four kids, added to my role as la piccola mamma (Italian for “little mother” as my father often called me). Add to all that, my younger sister also being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when we both were in our twenties, and to whom I became official guardian, and the trajectory into the bigger role of family caregiver is one I took on, whether I wanted to or not, beginning at the age of ten and continuing well into my 40s.

I have a lot of experience as an “unintentional” caregiver. And first thing I know to be true is that few people actually sign up for the role. With rare exception, it just seems to happen. Someone gets sick. Someone loses an income. Someone is born with a major disability. Someone is not aging well.

When it comes to caregiving, it’s always about someone. Someone else.

And that’s where I think we caregivers get into trouble. That’s when we begin to lose ourselves. That’s when we might resent that someone else. That’s when we feel stuck, alone, trapped. And that’s when we’re no longer what’s best for ourselves, let alone someone else.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: caregivers, mental illness, schizophrenia Tagged With: caring for parents, caring for siblings, National Family Caregiver Month, Sage Robbins, Showtime’s Shameless, surviving mental illness

Powerlina: Being One’s Own Superhero

July 28, 2016 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

I haven’t yet seen Batman V. Superman. And I may never choose not to. I’m not really “up” on all the comics – DC or Marvel – doesn’t really matter to me (much to the chagrin of my comic-con-fan husband). Oh, sure, I love a great storpowerlinay, and if an alien with a cape or a hotty with a hammer or a babe with an invisible plane happen to be characters in a story that’s not only fantastical and fun, but that also goes deeper than the colorful curve- and bulge-hugging spandex they wear, then I’m all in.

But not being “up” on those superhero stories doesn’t mean I’m not “on board” with the whole superhero concept. Quite the contrary, I’m all for it. I think everyone should not only have their own superhero, but they should be their own superhero. And that’s why I’m writing this post.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: caregivers, coming of age Tagged With: superhero

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Recent Posts

  • Life Lessons From One Celebrated Lone Wolf
  • Normal or Nuts?: Fine Lines When Crazy Calls
  • The Courage To Choose: Reigniting Fires Within
  • Broken and Scarred: Wounds of Worth
  • Divine Intervention and Faith

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