Blog | Paulina Milana Writes | author writer for hire

“Darkness is a funny thing”

March 17, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

It happened to me often, as a child, so much so that I thought I had magical powers. Again, and again, I would wish things to be, regardless of the consequences, and get what I wanted, only then to suffer those consequences.

Darkness-is-a-funny-thing.-It-creeps-up-in-you.

One memory that’s still hard for me to shake was when my papà and I were on our way home from somewhere. I couldn’t have been more than five or six, jumping around in the backseat of our car. And that’s when I saw them. Twelve baby ducks. Quacking behind their mamma. Right there on the sidewalk of our suburban-Chicago neighborhood. [Read more…]

Showtime’s Shameless: Ian Gallagher and Me

February 28, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Ian Gallagher faces his bipolar disease.

Cameron Monaghan’s portrayal of Ian Gallagher’s mental illness unraveling is brilliant.

Shameless, Showtime’s Sunday night series about the very dysfunctional Gallagher family and their friends has felt like home to me since the day it debuted.

From the seemingly always grey and slush-covered scenes of my hometown Chicago; to the role reversals of children having to parent their parents, raise themselves, and keep secrets in order to stay together; to the crazy chaos of their lives and the situations they must navigate just to survive: Shameless and its over-the-top storylines aren’t so over-the-top for me. As a matter of fact, they hit pretty close to home, and in no scene has it felt more familiar than in the final moments of season five episode six “Crazy Love” when Ian Gallagher (brilliantly played by Cameron Monaghan), the middle child who is gay, signs himself into a psychiatric hospital.

The fear seen in Ian’s eyes. The slight tremble of his hand as he signs his name on hospital papers. The resignation on his family’s faces, the realization [Read more…]

Sex: Shame Turns into Celebration

February 7, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Sex. That “s word” used to scare the bajeebies out of me. Looking back, it’s no wonder why. Growing up, sex earned me a whole lot of the opposite of pleasure. For a good Sicilian Catholic girl, it was taboo to think about it, let alone act on it. Natural instincts and teenage sexual awareness, for me, were met with accusations, beratement, abuse, and a sense of shame that contributed to my ballooning to 365 pounds. Stuffing down so many secrets, surrounding myself with an armor of added flesh: I thought it would keep me safe. What I didn’t realize was that my silence was suffocating me, and the one person who would prove most dangerous to me was me.

[Read more…]

More Than a Rock Star

January 17, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

me-and-viny-265x230 Today is the one-year anniversary of the very unexpected death of my little sister Vincenzina “Viny” Milana. I introduced her – barely – in The S-Word. She suffered through a lot, and her life ended early at the age of 47.

I fully intend to tell her story one day because she deserves to have it told. The youngest sibling of four, she sort of fell through the cracks, almost like the runt of the litter. But in truth, she was anything but.

[Read more…]

UVA Rape: Secrets, Shame, Stupidity

January 3, 2015 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

In November, Rolling Stone published the story A Rape on Campus that told a now doubted account of the gang rape of a young woman named Jackie during a frat party at the University of Virginia. It also told of the school’s lack of response following the attack, and of the school’s long history of turning a blind eye to other alleged sexual assaults.

What fascinates me about the evolution of the story has nothing to do with the suspicion and doubt associated with the rape victim (sadly, blaming the victim is something our society seems pretty comfortable doing and accepting as status quo); rather, I’m in awe of the continued suspicion and doubt surrounding the University of Virginia, and yet it, too, remains status quo.

Actually, “fascinates” and “in awe” aren’t the right words…what I mean to say is that I’m angry and in anger – and we all should be. [Read more…]