Paolina Milana - author and writer for hire

Everybody has a story. I've been telling people's stories for decades. I'm an award-winning writer and published author with journalistic roots and a marketing background. Let me help you write or ghostwrite the story of your life. Also available for corporate brand storytelling.

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Life Lessons From One Celebrated Lone Wolf

February 12, 2018 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Today is my birthday. I’ve lived five-plus decades on this planet. At times, it feels like ten times that. At other times, it feels as if I’m just getting started and don’t know much at all. I have learned a lot of life lessons — some good, some bad, some I seem to have to repeat over and over again, and I still haven’t gotten them right!

One notable mention I’m addressing here has to do with what some call a trigger. For many of us, when someone says something about us that we perceive as negative, we may spend a lot of our limited time on earth fighting it, negating it, worrying if it’s true, fearful of it and its implications. I’m not immune to placing importance on what outsiders say, even if the source isn’t one I value. (That’s one of the things I’m still working on learning to navigate in this life…)

The phrase that’s recently become a trigger for me is that of being called a “lone wolf”; it’s right up there with being told to “tone it down” and being asked “who do you think you are?” (not in a positive sort of way).

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, blaming the victim, bullying, caregivers, change, mental illness stigma Tagged With: lone wolf

Normal or Nuts?: Fine Lines When Crazy Calls

January 17, 2018 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

I was raised by a mom diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Back then, in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, not even the so-called Ph.D’d professionals knew what was going on or how to deal with “crazy.” And if they didn’t know, we – my immigrant English second language family – couldn’t possibly have known. It’s part of why mamma went without any kind of treatment, hearing voices and seeing things that really weren’t there, for far too long, making her a danger to herself and to us.
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I still can’t shake memories of a 14-year old me in 1979 helping my papà commit mamma to a hospital psych ward. Part of me exhaled in relief, knowing we were rid of her, even if only for a little while. Another part of me became consumed with guilt over what I then didn’t fully understand had to be done.
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For much of my life, I tried to separate my parts, doing my best to distance those genes of insanity that I had inherited through no fault of my own. I kept my mamma at arms-length, afraid of the demons she battled and the parts of her she could not control. And I kept our family’s schizophrenia a secret from the outside world, lest I be subjected to the stigma and discrimination by association.
‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ [Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers, causes of mental illness, mental illness, mental illness stigma, Mother’s Day, schizophrenia

The Courage To Choose: Reigniting Fires Within

December 8, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Fire. It’s been a bit of a threat here at Blueberry Hill Cottage. While my home is nestled against the Angeles National Forest, and it is surrounded by nature and wildlife and the very best that life has to offer, it also is exposed at times to wildfires brought on by wind, drought, and careless humans. Such was the case earlier this month.

We were in the thick of things with the Creek Fires. We were under evacuation orders. We scrambled to pack our car for the “escape” should it come to that.

Years and years of experiences in the form of artwork and trinkets and momentos sit on shelves and hang on walls. File cabinets filled with photos and unpublished stories are kept locked away for safekeeping. Treasured hand-me-downs and gifts — my father’s mandolin, my mother’s dress patterns, my uncle’s typewriter — are all memories of the people who made me me.

Which “things” does one choose to take?

When space and time are limited, it presents quite an extraordinary dilemma to choose one memory over another. The thought that in doing so, I am committing the one thing chosen to its survival, and the one that didn’t make the cut to its potential destruction is heartbreaking. [Read more…]

Filed Under: change Tagged With: choice, Creek Fires, rebirth, survival

Broken and Scarred: Wounds of Worth

November 8, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

November is National Care Giver’s Month. I spent much of my life serving as caregiver for others, specifically my mother and younger sister, both of whom were diagnosed paranoid schizophrenics. Caring to that level for others took a toll on me. It would take several years to realize that equally if not more important, I needed to become a caregiver to me.

In the town where I live, as happens more often than I care to think about, brush fires raged thrkintsugi trees Tujunga firesough acres and acres of our nearby forest and mountain range. Homes were destroyed. Lives shaken at best, lost at worst. It seemed as if Mother Nature had again gone mad, inflicting pain and devastation without a care for consequences.

When the fires were finally extinguished, smoldering charred earth and dead trees remained. The smell of smoke permeated the air for days following, a constant reminder of life lost.

But a local art community took it upon themselves to care for the fallen. These talented few performed a miracle of sorts by resurrecting the lifeless limbs of so many trees and making them whole again. They did so through the Japanese art of kintsugi which uses a precious metal to bring together pieces of broken pottery. Rather than charred and scarred, these beauties burned by the fires, now had their wounds laced in gold.

Touring the trees, now works of art, I became struck by their visual representation of the essence of resilience. From their own madness, they became magical.

There’s a lesson here for each of us in terms of coping with traumatic events. Rather than ignoring or divorcing ourselves from painful pasts, there’s wisdom to embracing whatever came before. Viewing our histories – especially the not-so-pleasant – as precious and of great value is powerful. Our perceived failures and moments of pain are our greatest teachers in life. Why hide them? I love this kintsugi approach of seeing the beauty in our cracks and celebrating those flaws.

 

Filed Under: caregivers, change Tagged With: kintsugi, madness to magic, rebirth, resurrection, Tujunga fires

Divine Intervention and Faith

October 22, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

My mother never thought the story of her life was all that special. She actually never gave it much thought at all. In truth, neither did I.

Until one terrible stormy night, in my attempt to help calm her fear of thunder, I sat her down and asked her to share her memories while I took notes.

I asked my mother about her favorite fun things to do when she was a child.

She told me about the days she spent as a little girl in Sicily during WWII, hiding in the basement of her war-torn home while sounds of planes flying overhead were followed by too-close-for-comfort explosions of the bombs they were dropping. My mother’s eyes welled up with tears as she acknowledged that she didn’t get to have a very happy childhood.

I never knew.

I then asked mom if she had ever been rebellious as a teenager.

She immediately lit up like a firefly reminiscing about her 16-year old self in the 1940s, walking on cobblestone streets, teetering on her high heels from exhaustion, hurrying to get home in time to help make dinner after a long day working as a seamstress’ apprentice.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: caregivers, coming of age, death of a parent, memoir Tagged With: divine intervention, faith, madness to magic, storytelling

When Were You Potty Trained?

September 18, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

I don’t have children, but my adult friends once were children, and every one of them is potty trained. I know that’s a strange thing to say, but I say it because I can guarantee that every one of us who is potty trained didn’t all learn on the exact same date or the same age or thanks to the same method of training. When we as children were ready, we just stopped pooping in our pants and chose to become big girls and boys and use the toilet! And that’s the point.

potty training2What I’ve come to realize is that this potty training analogy holds true for pretty much everything in life. Don’t believe me? Let’s test this out:

  • Riding a bike: Sure your dad ran alongside you and cheered you on with “Pedal, pedal faster! You can do it!” But not until something inside you sparked saying, “I got this” did you take off riding into the sunset on your own.
  • Your significant other: True, you may have flirted or been chased by someone wanting your heart. But not until something inside you whispered, “Say ‘yes’” did you put a ring on it and commit to forever.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, caregivers, change, coming of age

Loving What Is (Even When You Don’t)

August 8, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

Hindsight is always 20/20. But when you’re in the thick of things, when you’re actually living and experiencing whatever “it” may be, more often than not, the why of it and the “what now” of it aren’t as clear.

As was pointed out to me by world-renowned author and self-help mentor Martha Beck, throughout my entire life, madness has either been tracking me or I’ve been tracking it. And I’ve pretty much cursed my fate and damned my family tree all along the way.

Madness To Magic LOGOWhat I didn’t realize until recently, however, is that while I may have cussed and fought and rebelled and even run from the imperfect and unpleasant and unhinged in my life, I also found a work around. Or maybe “work around” isn’t wholly accurate. What I found, it turns out, is magic within the madness. I, without necessarily planning it (at least consciously), somewhere deep in my soul, believed enough in me — the POWER in me — and everything greater than me to integrate and work with the “it” of insanity (no matter what that insanity might be).

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, change, mental illness Tagged With: byron katie, loving what is, madness to magic

Defying Gravity

July 4, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

“I am Londolozi and the message I have for you is to defy gravity.”

When Martha Beck asked the 12 wayfinders who accompanied her this past May/June to South Africa as part of her STAR program to drop into wordlessness and to hear what the sacred ground and spirits of Londolozi were trying to tell us, each of us received our own unique message. Mine was “Defy Gravity.”

defying gravityMartha had told me during a conference call prior to departing for this trip that she was so excited to meet me because I was “the exact archetype” she wrote about in her book, “Diana, Herself.” The story is fiction, an allegory, about an average woman with a less than perfect past, a conflicted present, and a feeling that she’s an insignificant little girl. This character embarks on an adventure that awakens her to her power and makes her realize she is limitless. Diana initially refuses to believe in her power because she feels that to do so is arrogance. But as Martha explained, the true definition of arrogance is to claim oneself. Culture and language and society have translated the word to mean something that’s negative. Diana must kill the good girl within to become who she is meant to be.

Martha’s book as well as Londolozi’s message both resonated with me. Actually, the word “resonated” doesn’t do the transformation justice. “Enlightened” is more truth. Something within me clicked. And similar to the lyrics of “Defy Gravity” from the Broadway musical “Wicked”: “I’m through accepting limits cuz someone says there so…”

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, change Tagged With: defy gravity, englightenment, Martha Beck, power, Wicked

Embracing the Power of Now

June 24, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

So much was learned during my journey back to Africa. The first time I visited in August/September 2015, I felt myself dissolving into the land. This most recent trip in May/June 2017, I felt myself expanding into the sky.lion kill africa

I’m not sure I can explain the connection I feel with everything when in Africa. Maybe it’s because the animals are so honest. The focus is on the now. Even the experience of a kill is not dwelled on long after. It is part of the cycle of life. The predator has only one motive in its killing: food needed to sustain its life. The prey does not feel it did something to call upon itself an attack. And those left behind may mourn their fallen mate, however, they do not dwell in the past.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, change Tagged With: Africa, Boyd Varty, courage, empowerment, enlightenment, Londolozi, Martha Beck, uncertainty, wayfinders

Wordlessness and Oneness

June 8, 2017 By Paolina Milana Leave a Comment

I embarked on a journey as one of 12 women, each of us strangers, to South Africa’s Londolozi Reserve. We were with life coach and author Martha Beck, part of her African STAR program. During our workshops, we’d set off every morning before the sun rose to explore the unknown, track the animals, drop into wordlessness and become one with the universe. When we’d return to camp, Martha would ask us to do a “three-minute capture”: to write down whatever thoughts came to mind of what we had just experienced. Here below are a few of mine. They most likely will mean nothing to anybody but me. And I love that.

africa tree

Caregiver to all from age ten. Raised by a schizophrenic mom, then to raise a schizophrenic sister. Tried to control it all to my own neglect. Failed in so many ways. Work became my identity. I ignored the work that was – for me – natural and more play. I always worried and thought of the next paycheck, in preparation for the next shoe that would fall. Now I am finding myself adrift alone. No anchor. Both good and bad.

 

The sounds: the gnarls of the lions and their breathing and sparring. The sounds: the gurgling of the elephants slurping water, splashing it over themselves, and I think toward us to ward us off. The sounds: of silence with a stealthy leopard and the padded feet of elephant that you just don’t hear other than crackling twigs beneath. The sounds: of interference and noise, of people chattering, even whispering, trying to overpower the peace, along with the voices in my head.

[Read more…]

Filed Under: believing in oneself, change Tagged With: Africa, enlightenment, Martha Beck, oneness, wordlessness

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Recent Posts

  • Life Lessons From One Celebrated Lone Wolf
  • Normal or Nuts?: Fine Lines When Crazy Calls
  • The Courage To Choose: Reigniting Fires Within
  • Broken and Scarred: Wounds of Worth
  • Divine Intervention and Faith

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